Four Legged Fish

I like to travel. My passports have pages that unfold like an accordion. I also like to eat. My girth it ample testament to that fact. I have always thought it would be fun, though not profitable, to open a restaurant featuring foods from around the world. I’d be sure to offer such items as: Congria Eel, like I had in Santiago, Chile; Tortilla Soup like they serve in San Angel’s Inn in Mexico City; Alligator Tail like I ate at Pappados in Houston; Spinach Salad like they serve at Hy’s of Canada; Chicken Kiev the way it is prepared on Jermyn Street in London; White Bait like you get at South-End-on-Sea; French Onion Soup and Escargot like I used to devour at L’Pied du Cochon in Paris; assorted Tapas as you’d find in the Caves of Madrid; Burbonia from Piraeus, Greece; Sardines accompanied by Arrack from Beirut; Hammour from the Arabian Gulf; real Russian Borscht; and top it off with Crepes Suzette as they used to serve at Le Xanadu in Teheran.

There are few items that I have had which would not be featured in my dream restaurant. The first dish not served would be drunk shrimp which I had at a Japanese restaurant in Taichung, Taiwan. There appears to be an inclination to serve live food to diners in the Far East. I can appreciate the fact that a person is less likely to become ill if fed fresh, healthy animals. Presenting a healthy creature prior to being prepared as food could be preferable to being served meat or fish that may have died sick and been stored under unhygienic conditions. I do have some appreciation for that tradition since I like to see raw oysters move when squirted with fresh lemon juice.  At the restaurant in Taichung, a bowl containing Sake wine was placed in the middle of the table and an aquarium net was used to scoop up shrimp from a tank. The shrimp were dumped into the Sake and immediately created froth as they reacted to the stinging alcohol. After the guests were sufficiently entertained, the Sake and shrimp were removed and turned into a very tasty soup called “Drunk Shrimp Soup”.

There is a second dish which I will not serve that was a specialty at the same restaurant in Taichung. I really do not have a problem with Sushi and use the Wasabi mustard to numb my senses and sensibility. However, that restaurant served a live lobster whose shell over the tail meat had been surgically removed. The lobster tail was glistening and had been sliced in place. When I say that it was a live lobster, I mean it was alive. Every time I moved my chop sticks towards its back, the eyes would swivel and stare at me. Three times I tried and three times I failed to taste Lobster Sushi. That is one dish not going on my dream menu.

The third dish I would not put on the menu was served to me at a factory in rural Guangdong province of China. I always try to be a good guest and not offend my hosts so I made appropriate comments about how good the food was and how much I appreciated their efforts to serve such a great meal to a visitor. I then asked my translator for the name of this fancy dish. My translator mumbled something and I saw a lot of shoulders shrug around the room. He replied that he did not know the English word for it but here the people call it the “fish with four feet”.

With a slight queasiness forming in my stomach, I started down my list of possibilities. “Was it a frog?”  The answer was, “No”  “Was it a turtle?” I asked. “Oh no,” they replied. “We know what that is.” With a bit more apprehension in my voice I asked, “Was it a muskrat?” “No,” they said, laughing. “We know what that is.” I asked about every other mammal that I knew to spent time in the water and the answer was consistently, “No.”

I finished my visit and was in the departure lounge of the boat back to Macau when I saw a glass case in the corner. In it was a stuffed animal with a sign that said, “Endangered Species, Do not buy, sell, traffic, or eat.”  That animal was the biggest salamander I had ever seen in my life. Wikipedia says that they sometimes reach 6 feet in length and the Chinese consider them a delicacy. Do you want to know something? They taste like chicken.